Basic Battleplans
There are many ways to go to war with many battleplan options to consider. Some of them are to her advantage. Some are to yours. Actually, if we're going to be honest here, we have to admit that most are to her advantage. (Hey, that's the way the bloodsucking divorce process in the American judicial system is designed.)
Given that you start in a tactically disadvantageous position, it is important that you do not let her choose the kind of war you are going to fight.
Do not let her choose the battlefield.
Do not let her choose your attorney.
Do not let her have choice of weapons.
You want to play a game where you can elicit the most damage on her and take the fewest hits. And you want to keep the carrion eating legal eagles from gobbling up your heart and liver in the process.
The Pile Strategy
Most strategies are based on piles. One pile or two piles. The piles represent all your assets, desires, and claims. Either you start out with two even "His" and "Hers" piles and negotiate from there... Or you create one pile... all yours.
And negotiate from there.
The theory goes like this. If a couple starts with two piles "what's yours" and "what's hers", then the rest of the negotiations will be spent taking more from the "what's yours" pile.
If however, the husband starts from the negotiating position that everything you both own is hisŠ she'll have to fight to get half.
It is normal for the other side to want to start with one pile, too. Only it is "all hers." And you have to fight for your fair share.
You may not be surprised to learn that divorcing couples starting from opposite one pile strategies often end up engaging in the most brutal and devastating divorce wars.
Star Wars Defense
The Star Wars Defense is the gentleman warrior's first choice. You stay above the fray and only defend when necessary. You can be truthful and straight-forward and keep a sense of male honor about the process. If she stoops to tell a lie or makes an outrageous claim, you merely press the button that fires a laser-guided legal response and it shoots her claim down. Zzzappo!
The Star Wars Defense is very good in theory. Theoretically, taking the highest high ground and being defensive may be the way a good guy should engage in battle, because it puts a barrier of clouds and sunshine between you and the down and dirty stuff. If it worked you might never even notice your were going through a divorce.
Since you are keeping your hands clean, you feel better about yourself and you may rightly assume that this will have least negative effect on the children.
Unfortunately, a Star Wars Defense is only good in theory. In reality it has got many a gentleman warrior's ass burned to cinders, 'cause it just don't work, bubba!
If she doesn't have to defend herself, she will spend all her time and assets throwing shit at you. And something will get through. And some of it will stick to your forehead. There are too many ways for her to get you. And every legal laser beam fired to destroy her accusation or claim must be a perfect hit.
Betting your life on a Star Wars Defense is like betting that the laundry will always get the starch in your shirt right, or that the fries you order at McDonald's will always be hot, or that the beer you order on tap will never be flat. Mostly maybe. Always? Hardly.
With a Star Wars Defense, one miss can kill you. It can cost you your house, your kids, and your sanity.
The only good defensive is a good offense. The best defense is the most offensive offense.
So prepare to get your hands dirty. Maybe even bloody.
Trench Warfare
This is how WWI was fought. Basically, it puts each of the combatants in a long trench in order to defend the territory behind it. You will spend all your time launching bombs at each other that never do too much damage. If you are both careful to stay in your trenches, to keep your heads down, and your supply lines intact... nothing much happens. Nothing much moves except the clock that ticks up your legal fees.
This is the kind of divorce war that legal hyenas thrive on. It takes forever. It depletes your resources -- and increases theirs. It is why when after the war is over both attorneys will have a new swimming pool and you will be left in a wet trench.
When To Go To The Trenches
If you are trying to protect multi-zillion dollar assets...
If you have years to wait out the final outcome and she doesn't...
If you have a hundred thousand for legal fees stacked in the closet with the toilet paper...
If you really love the judicial process as much as you like to drink beer, shoot pool, or play golf...
Hell, if that's all true, then consider Trench Warfare your hobby for the next three years and go for it!
Guerrilla Warfare
This is where women normally shine. Being the weaker sex, Mother Nature has compensated by making them genetically sneaky and devious. And most have honed those natural abilities to razor sharp weapons of destruction.
Yeah, smart guy, the female of the species is much cleverer than the male. And if you don't already realize how true this is, then it only goes to prove how devious and sneaky the women you've been with have been toward you.
In a guerrilla war, the noble male is at a serious disadvantage. He should be prepared for night attacks on his friends, sneak attacks at work, ambushes during weekends, pongee sticks in the garden, land mines at church, and the use the children as hostages, human shields or unknowing bomb carriers.
Many guerrilla actions are undeclared wars that take place before divorce has even been discussed -- or at least discussed with the husband. If this happens, you're dead and you don't even know it.
A guerrilla war is not something you should go into without being prepared to die the death of a thousand small cuts at the hands of a natural slice-and-dicer.
Submarine Warfare
This is the type of warfare mostly engaged in by couples who have reputations to protect. Above the surface everything looks calm. Life sails along tranquilly. Maybe friends and co-workers won't even know what's happening.
Beneath the surface, it's a different story.
You are both cruising with torpedoes loaded, waiting for an opportunity to blow the other out of the water. And when you do... wham!!! One of you is left to drown, and the other sails away with all the goodies.
This is a somewhat dangerous course for a regular guy, since as we've already stated, women are definitely the sneakier and more devious sex.
However, if you are sure you have a major tactical advantage... for example her mad desire to get a quick divorce so she can live with the plumber who just laid $25,000 worth of pipe in your house. If you think she won't be paying attention to what you're doing because her head is down in her next 2BX's lap, then maybe Submarine Warfare is a battleplan you should consider.
One good torpedo shot across her exposed bow and blooie! You've got her!
Full Scale Thermonuclear War
This is not where divorce wars begin. This is what they escalate to. This is the kind of war that destroys each of you, the children, and everyone within range of ground zero.
This kind of warfare is ugly. And dangerous for anyone near it. Nobody wants a full scale Thermonuclear War, not even egomaniacal, discovery chasing, ex parte motioning, bloodsucking legal eagles... 'cause after this battle is over there ain't no pieces to pick up.
Any divorce war can escalate to full scale Thermonuclear War unless both parties are careful. The longer the divorce goes on, the more chance there is that one side or the other will get really pissed off and set off the first strategic nuclear missile. From then on in, it's death. For both parties.
Only a Divorce Warrior with the brains of a belt loop would choose a path that leads to mutual self-destruction. A Divorce War is something to win. It is not something to destroy yourself over -- even if you get her, too. Like the "WarGames" computer in the movie says, "The only way to win this kind of war is not to fight it."
Next.
Briefings