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What Is the FemCon?
You might think The Female Conspiracy is an organized thing put together by the man-hating psycho lesbos at NOW. But no, it's not NOW. It's the NOOT -- the Natural Order Of Things. And it doesn't go back to the 1960's feminist movement, it goes back to cavewomen with sagging jugs plotting to get even when ol' Joe Neanderthal grabbed a more nubile wench by the hair and drug her into his cave. Over the generations plotting revenge against men just became a natural phenomenon.
Over the generations plotting revenge against men became a natural phenomenon. Some deep thinkers postulate that it may even have become genetic and got tied to some kind of "y" chromosome thing.
It's A Woman's Thing
In the modern world, sticking it to soon-2BX-hubbies is a hobby that women enjoy almost as much as shopping. Women who lunch talk as much about the art of gutting spouses as guys in bars do about football. By the time a woman is twenty-five she's knows as much about community property, what a good divorce lawyer costs, and how much she can run up the credit cards as you do about your favorite ball club.
An Oral Tradition
There is no written document on this female conspiracy... no "Junior League Guide To Getting Him." The tricks of pillaging soon-2BX-husbands is very much an oral tradition passed on in the same way the pagan priestess-whores of ancient times passed on the art of sacrificing dumb animals to their gods.
As Natural As Osmosis
Women and divorce lore are like sponges and wet spots. They just naturally suck it in. So even if your lovely bride is not spending her spare hours scouring articles or self-help books on "How To Get The House And Garnishee Your Husband's Wages For The Rest Of His Pitiful Life," she still is a thousand times more prepared for the divorce wars than any normal beer-drinking, football watching, hard-working kinda red-blooded American guy. She's been soaking in strategies and tactics for years.
Unwritten Laws
Through oral tradition and osmosis all women believe...
1. A wife deserves whatever she can get in a divorce settlement (This is because she doesn't have a penis and you do. So there!)
2. Since a man won't see the logic of #1 and give her everything she wants, she must do whatever it takes to get what's hers
3. Whatever she gets is better for everybody
4. When she pulls a sleazy underhanded trick, either...
a.) She's only doing it for the children
b.) Her attorney made her do it to protect herself -- from you, you vicious animal!
c.) She wants you to feel what she's going through
because down deep she still loves you
She Can Rationalize Anything
These unwritten laws are powerful justifications and rationalizations for her future lies and crimes against you. But of all the unwritten laws of femalifactory conduct, by far the most powerful is "doing it for the children." When you hear this, head for the bomb shelters. No amount of logical conversation will convince her that she's possibly wrong or has gone too far in claiming something outrageous like you have sex with cockroaches in the baby's crib.
She had to say it. Because, don't you see, it's her motherhood instinct that's making her fight for her children against your unfeeling macho ego. She's taken the high ground and you're the slinking crawling thief who will take the crumbs from the children's lips. She's the mother bear protecting her cubs with tooth and claw, while you're the unfeeling predator.
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